How Hot Is It?

It's hot. And not like Sam Elliott in LIFEGUARD hot, either. It's sweaty, yucky, breath-sucking, soul-stealing, not enough popsicles in the whole world, hot. And it's barely August.

I'm hardly alone complaining about the heat this week. Temperatures in the upper 90's all week here in River City, with heat indexes in the low 100's. And we've totally got the humidity thing covered, too.

All the pets and old folks should be safely stashed indoors in the temperature-controlled environment. In the meantime, a friend sent me the following. And while tempers grow shorter when temperatures go higher, I got a chuckle or two from the list. Oh, don't get me wrong, there's more than one "groaner" in the bunch. But, I thought you guys might enjoy them as well. Given the situation.

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It's Soooo Hot!

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95 F (35 C) and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and
end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out
and add butter, salt and pepper. and of course Sour Cream, diced
onions and a few serving spoons of Chile

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from
laying boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

You don't want to go swimming because the water is so hot you'll be braised.

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If you've got a few of your own, feel free to share them. I'll be around. It's not like I'm going outside or anything. At least not until October when the weather is more conducive to human activities.