The Oral Report

Standing up in front of the class was never so much fun!

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Location: River City, United States

The rantings and ravings of a mom of three wonderful girls as she finds new love while working like a dog and shaking her fist at the system. You know. Pretty much like everybody else.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Dude. Check This.

Not a big fan of Tool. But when I saw this site I was reminded of a Tool video that scared my kids. Sure, introducing kids to your music is way cool, but some of the lyrics just don't seem like fodder for lullabies. Could be me, though.

I can't say what I want to,
even if I'm not serious.
Things like....
"Fuck yourself,
kill yourself,
you piece of shit."


Now, the products are advertised as child friendly. To do that, they've removed the lyrics from your "favorite music". I suppose that part was unavoidable, huh? Bummer for the folks that dig on the lyrics, though.

I should
kick you,
beat you,
fuck you,
and then shoot you in your fucking head.


Apparently, they tone down the instrumental, removing the driving bass lines and heavy drums, and use more kiddie-friendly instruments and tones. Elevator musak?

I had a friend once he took some acid
Now he thinks he's a fire engine
It's okay until he pisses on your lighter
Kinda smells kinda cool kinda funny anyway

satan, satan, satan...


But wouldn't you, as the parent wanting to introduce your child (at an early age) to music that you, yourself, enjoy, be tempted to sing along even if the lyrics weren't on the cd? Like this rift from "Prison Sex".

Got your hands bound, your head down,
your eyes closed.
You look so precious now.

I have found some kind of temporary sanity in this
shit blood and cum on my hands.

I've come round full circle.
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon.
You look so precious.


It's so catchy, how could you help yourself? Even if you didn't sing along, wouldn't YOU still know what the songs were about? Some little secret to keep from your child, perhaps?

You know you're gonna have another accident?
You know I'm involved with black magic?
Fuck you. Die. Bastard.
You think you're so cool, hm? Asshole.


So you can reconcile how you feel about the lyrics, but how do you feel about having the instrumentals "babied down" for the new audience? I mean, if the whole point is to share music you love with your child, doesn't changing it defeat that purpose?

Just remember I will always love you,
Even as I tear your fucking throat away.
But it will end no other way.


Now, they do have some Beach Boys and Nirvana and a few other bands that might not be quite as rough as Tool.

I've just got to wonder, is it really so wrong to throw a little "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" at your kid? For a while, anyway? Not that you couldn't introduce him/her to the Classics According To Mom and Dad a little later. I'm just saying.

For the record, the Classics According to MY Mom and Dad had a lot of Conway Twitty and Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs in them. And just look what it did to me.

Parents, think about this stuff. Because, some of those marks never go away.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Marline said...

I'm a friend "employer" of Mark & Lisa Gibson. I have been reading your blog for several months and want you to know how much I enjoy it. Blog more often please!

8/24/2006 6:01 PM  
Blogger SuperFiancee said...

Hi, Marline! Nice to see a new face. And one with such delightful references is ALWAYS welcome!

Thank you for the compliments (those are always welcome, too...;) and feel free to stop in anytime!

8/25/2006 7:48 AM  

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