The Oral Report

Standing up in front of the class was never so much fun!

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Location: River City, United States

The rantings and ravings of a mom of three wonderful girls as she finds new love while working like a dog and shaking her fist at the system. You know. Pretty much like everybody else.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007



Previous posts on this may have clued you in that a coworker named Lexus frequents my cubicle for advice on nearly any topic imaginable. Another week and a half and I'll only have to worry about drop-ins at home. She's found another position and is delighted to be leaving a work environment she's found unbearably stressful. I suppose I'll be back to Life Before Lexus, which won't be so bad, either.

In an effort to leave me wanting more (I guess), Lexus and I had the following exchange yesterday:

LEXUS: I know you're busy, but if you have just a minute I needed some advice.

ME: Sure. What's up?

LEXUS: I have been so constipated and I took two Correctol's last night and OMG, I woke up in the middle of the night sweating and cramping so bad and had to sit on the toilet for hours.

[Oh, I am too serious.]

ME: That sounds terrible. I'm glad you're feeling better. You should probably try to find a more 'natural' way to try to work that problem out. Sometimes those medications are pretty hard on your body.

LEXUS: Yeah, but the pill form was really convenient and it had been a while, if you know what I mean.

[I so badly DO NOT want to know what you mean.]

ME: Do you drink much water?

LEXUS: Not really. I have to make myself. I don't really like it.

ME: Try drinking more water. It will help with that problem, but it's also good for your kidneys, for your skin, for lots of things. Also, maybe adding some dietary things that will help. Like prunes. Do you like prunes?

LEXUS: Yeah, I like prunes. Should I eat like a whole bag of 'em each day?

[I swear this girl graduated from college, with a degree and everything.]

ME: PLEASE do not go home and eat an entire bag of prunes! Try adding two or three a day...or even every other day...and if that doesn't seem to help, add one more. Go slowly. Don't be so rough on your body.

LEXUS: Okay. Thanks a lot. I'll try that and let you know how it works.

[Yeah, let's don't, but say we did.]

Ah, yes, it's just another day at Rupert and McElroy...ARCHITECTS.

3 Comments:

Blogger Highlander said...

Heh. Nice graphic.

I'm tellin' you, baby. If they wouldn't fire Lexus, they will NEVER fire you.

I mean, who else is going to provide the necessary psychiatric help to the rest of the office? Not to mention, y'know, doing all the actual WORK?

2/28/2007 11:20 AM  
Blogger AaA said...

*peers into Lexus' ear canal*


"My God... it's full of stars."

2/28/2007 6:31 PM  
Blogger Spider Girl said...

I applaud your restraint.
How were you able to avoid sarcasm or beratement for discussing such a topic with you?

Oh well, one thing to remember in such situations is, "at least this might make a good story anyway!" What doesn't kill you only makes you blogger, right?

ok that was bad but my punny bone is laughing anyway.

oh even worse

3/05/2007 4:08 PM  

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