The Oral Report

Standing up in front of the class was never so much fun!

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Location: River City, United States

The rantings and ravings of a mom of three wonderful girls as she finds new love while working like a dog and shaking her fist at the system. You know. Pretty much like everybody else.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

This Story Has A Happy Ending

Once upon a time I was a divorced mother of three. Now, I didn't say a desperate and divorced mother of three, or a pitiful and depressed mother of three, mostly because none of those descriptions would be apt. I won't go as far as saying I was happy, because I wasn't. But I knew that I had to do what I had done and that my girls and I would be all right. Just as I believed that, I knew that it wasn't necessary for me to be in a committed relationship ever again.

A divorced co-worker had explained to me that she had boyfriends, but that while she enjoyed being with them, she didn't want them in her house. At least not any longer than a sleepover now and then. When I first got divorced, that sounded like the most wondrous plan I'd ever heard.

Today, I did something I thought I'd never do again. Not that I didn't think the opportunity might not present itself again, just that I honestly believed I wouldn't go for it if it did. In fact, when the opportunity first presented itself, many months ago, I fought it pretty hard. I'm like that sometimes.

Once again, I am officially engaged. This is the second time in my life that I have promised myself to another person. I deeply hope that the wisdom and maturity I have gained at this point in my life will make it the right decision this time.

Highlander has been better to me and for me than I ever imagined could be possible. And while I'd presume that many people who are in love say things like that, I know that in our particular case, the statement is true. Arrogant, I guess, to put it that way, but it's something I see with my own eyes every day... and it's something that others see and tell me of every day, as well.

When I was first divorced, I felt so many emotions. The last few years of my marriage had been painful and difficult. Not constantly, but with more and more frequency and with more and more intensity. And all of that ate away at my self-worth.

My ex had made it pretty clear that my expectations for being treated in what I considered to be a fair and reasonable manner were unusually high. The disrespect heaped on me started making me believe that it might be impossible to ever find someone with whom I could share the rest of my life or be happy. Sad, but I decided I'd rather be alone than be with someone who treated me that way. And, after all, at least I had my girls.

And so, I had pretty well resigned myself to not ever getting married, or engaged, ever again. And I was okay with it.

Highlander has made me rethink (among other things) how I felt about that decision. He has exceeded any, and every, expectation I could have ever imagined in ways I hadn't even considered and with an enthusiasm that is completely infectious. More than that, he has made me believe that I can be happy and that I, for whatever crazy reason, DESERVE to be treated well. Very well.

When we started talking about the next level in our relationship, I was scared. Not because I have doubts about him, but because I have doubts about me. I still have that little part inside me that says I don't deserve to be happy. That I don't merit the respect. That I want more than I should get. And that if I take it, something will go badly, badly wrong. But he has quelled those fears.

Even when we went to the jewelry store for the first time and talked about what we wanted to get, I was afraid to be too excited. Some piece of it felt like I didn't deserve this. I was happy. And I wanted this. But it didn't seem real somehow.

Not today. Today, the man I love...the man with whom I intend to spend the rest of my life...the man who will tell you that he considers it "his pleasure and his privilege" to treat me like a queen (including waiting on me hand and foot, giving me backrubs on spec, foot massages without even being asked, and sending me the most romantic little notes you could ever imagine every day) slid an engagement ring on my finger. And all of those scared little voices that have been telling me how inadequate I am for the last several years...well, they shut right the fuck up.

I'm happy. And my girls are happy. And Highlander is happy. And the rest...well, the rest is just stuff.

My apologies for the quality, but I'm attaching a picture of my ring. It's a 3/4 carat pink (my favorite color) diamond in a simple solitaire white gold setting. And it's beautiful. I absolutely adore it. The ring is a slight twist on the traditional, but, then again, so are we. Any sane person would have had a manicure before getting an engagement ring, but I just haven't had the time and definitely not the money.

Dinner out tonight with the entire family to celebrate was delightful. Sometimes, the dream-like quality of the whole situation is overwhelming. Realizing that it's real, over and over again, is some precious gift. Affirmation that someone truly loves me that much. That I deserve to be shown that much respect. As Highlander says, this is the "happily ever after" part of our lives.

You know what? It really is.

18 Comments:

Blogger Mark said...

Congrats to the both of you and the girls! You deserve all the happiness life and Highlander can bring you. The ring is beautiful.

Mark

6/25/2006 8:33 AM  
Blogger Opus P. Penguin said...

Woo-hoo! Congrats and hugs all around! Go forth with JOY! And not a bad rock, either. Heck, who needs a manicure? Have you set a date yet? Oh, I'm getting all sniffy...

6/25/2006 10:35 AM  
Blogger MJ Norton said...

Congratulations!

6/25/2006 1:28 PM  
Blogger AaA said...

Hey...

What the?

This is freakin' bizarre.

Guess what? There's an up side to empathy! I am happy, and hopeful, and even slightly giddy.

I can only assume it's because of the two five of you

6/25/2006 4:33 PM  
Blogger AaA said...

Ugh, 'two' was supposed to be struck through.

6/25/2006 4:34 PM  
Blogger AaA said...

Oh, duh. Well, as my favorite gimpy detective with a squiggy eye was wont to say, "There is just one other thing."

Your story isn't ending. Just this chapter. The next chapter should really rock too.

6/25/2006 4:35 PM  
Blogger Tony Collett said...

Congratulations! We're looking forward to seeing it for real now.

6/25/2006 7:09 PM  
Blogger Julia said...

congrats!

6/25/2006 10:37 PM  
Blogger FindingHeart said...

'Ending' my arse! I glad that you are feeling this as a joyous time again. Congrats to the both of you. Many wishes for a long and happy future together.

6/25/2006 10:45 PM  
Blogger SuperFiancee said...

::deep breath::

Mark -

Thanks! (For the record, I think the ring is beautiful, too...the fiance' ain't bad either...;)

Opus -

Thanks for the sweet words. No date yet, but he's working on it. Believe me. ::grin::

Mike -

Thanks for your congrats. And always for your friendship and support. You're gonna get what's coming to you. (Check the mail...;)

Nate -

Clearly, you have lost your mind.

I happen to believe that there are a LOT of upsides to empathy, but certainly feeling the joy of others (especially others you care about) is a nice one.

You are correct that the story of Highlander and Supergirlfriend doesn't end here. I simply meant the story of this blog post had a happy ending. The 'Happily Ever After' is just starting.

Tony -

There will be a special showing for invited guests Saturday evening, a week. I look forward to seeing you there.

Julia -

Thanks for your sweet words here (and on Highlander's blog). You're a class act!

FH -

Yeah, I realize it's just beginning. And yeah, I am glad to find that I am capable of doing this again. I didn't think I would be, but I am. Thanks for the well wishes.

NOTE: If you don't frequent Highlander's blog, shame on you. You should be! Chastising aside, I wanted to point anyone here to his entry on our new status. If you read it, you can't help but understand exactly why I wake up every morning looking forward to spending the rest of my life with this man.

I love you, Sweetie!

6/26/2006 10:03 AM  
Anonymous Leah said...

Excellent, excellent news!

6/26/2006 7:35 PM  
Blogger Your Girl Friday said...

Last to comment - I'm always the last to know!

Congratulations SuperG and Highlander!

I'm happy (and a little teary) for you both!!!

Hooray!

6/27/2006 3:14 AM  
Anonymous L.C. said...

Wow--congratulations! That is wonderful news!

L.C.

6/27/2006 3:00 PM  
Blogger haiku_girl said...

Congratulations! Your post is lovely and I'm glad you have allowed yourself to be happy. It sounds like a simple thing, but it isn't.

Also, thank you for the sweet sweet comment on my blog. I'm excited that my silly little story will have some life in the future.

6/27/2006 11:51 PM  
Blogger SuperFiancee said...

Leah -

Thanks for stopping by, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you and Simon!

YGF -

Nah...you're not last. That MIA Marci is - LOL! (And, per your email - you wouldn't have to crash, Sweetie!)

LC -

Thanks! We're having an excellent time sharing this news, that's for sure!

Haiku Girl -

I've seen you so many times on Odious Woman's site and never wandered your way. I'm very glad I did and I'll definitely be back. Thanks for the well wishes!

6/28/2006 12:20 PM  
Anonymous Denise said...

I am truly happy for the both of you! What a joyous and wonderful way to start the next chapter! I knew when you said 'never again' that there would be no stopping you when the right one came along. You have way too much to offer not to share with someone special! I wish you both the very best!

6/28/2006 12:44 PM  
Blogger SuperFiancee said...

YAY! You figured it out!

You are one of the few people I will allow to brag on me without fighting it (too much), D. And only because you've stood the test of time and know who I really am. I think it's thirty years this fall, chickie. Thanks for always being there!

My best to you, too.

6/28/2006 1:04 PM  
Anonymous mom said...

Can't tell you how glad I am that you found each other--isn't karma great sometimes! Can't wait to see you guys and the RING in person-love to you all and my 3 new grandaughters!!!!

mom

6/29/2006 3:40 PM  

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