This Story Has A Happy Ending

Once upon a time I was a divorced mother of three. Now, I didn't say a desperate and divorced mother of three, or a pitiful and depressed mother of three, mostly because none of those descriptions would be apt. I won't go as far as saying I was happy, because I wasn't. But I knew that I had to do what I had done and that my girls and I would be all right. Just as I believed that, I knew that it wasn't necessary for me to be in a committed relationship ever again.

A divorced co-worker had explained to me that she had boyfriends, but that while she enjoyed being with them, she didn't want them in her house. At least not any longer than a sleepover now and then. When I first got divorced, that sounded like the most wondrous plan I'd ever heard.

Today, I did something I thought I'd never do again. Not that I didn't think the opportunity might not present itself again, just that I honestly believed I wouldn't go for it if it did. In fact, when the opportunity first presented itself, many months ago, I fought it pretty hard. I'm like that sometimes.

Once again, I am officially engaged. This is the second time in my life that I have promised myself to another person. I deeply hope that the wisdom and maturity I have gained at this point in my life will make it the right decision this time.

Highlander has been better to me and for me than I ever imagined could be possible. And while I'd presume that many people who are in love say things like that, I know that in our particular case, the statement is true. Arrogant, I guess, to put it that way, but it's something I see with my own eyes every day... and it's something that others see and tell me of every day, as well.

When I was first divorced, I felt so many emotions. The last few years of my marriage had been painful and difficult. Not constantly, but with more and more frequency and with more and more intensity. And all of that ate away at my self-worth.

My ex had made it pretty clear that my expectations for being treated in what I considered to be a fair and reasonable manner were unusually high. The disrespect heaped on me started making me believe that it might be impossible to ever find someone with whom I could share the rest of my life or be happy. Sad, but I decided I'd rather be alone than be with someone who treated me that way. And, after all, at least I had my girls.

And so, I had pretty well resigned myself to not ever getting married, or engaged, ever again. And I was okay with it.

Highlander has made me rethink (among other things) how I felt about that decision. He has exceeded any, and every, expectation I could have ever imagined in ways I hadn't even considered and with an enthusiasm that is completely infectious. More than that, he has made me believe that I can be happy and that I, for whatever crazy reason, DESERVE to be treated well. Very well.

When we started talking about the next level in our relationship, I was scared. Not because I have doubts about him, but because I have doubts about me. I still have that little part inside me that says I don't deserve to be happy. That I don't merit the respect. That I want more than I should get. And that if I take it, something will go badly, badly wrong. But he has quelled those fears.

Even when we went to the jewelry store for the first time and talked about what we wanted to get, I was afraid to be too excited. Some piece of it felt like I didn't deserve this. I was happy. And I wanted this. But it didn't seem real somehow.

Not today. Today, the man I love...the man with whom I intend to spend the rest of my life...the man who will tell you that he considers it "his pleasure and his privilege" to treat me like a queen (including waiting on me hand and foot, giving me backrubs on spec, foot massages without even being asked, and sending me the most romantic little notes you could ever imagine every day) slid an engagement ring on my finger. And all of those scared little voices that have been telling me how inadequate I am for the last several years...well, they shut right the fuck up.

I'm happy. And my girls are happy. And Highlander is happy. And the rest...well, the rest is just stuff.

My apologies for the quality, but I'm attaching a picture of my ring. It's a 3/4 carat pink (my favorite color) diamond in a simple solitaire white gold setting. And it's beautiful. I absolutely adore it. The ring is a slight twist on the traditional, but, then again, so are we. Any sane person would have had a manicure before getting an engagement ring, but I just haven't had the time and definitely not the money.

Dinner out tonight with the entire family to celebrate was delightful. Sometimes, the dream-like quality of the whole situation is overwhelming. Realizing that it's real, over and over again, is some precious gift. Affirmation that someone truly loves me that much. That I deserve to be shown that much respect. As Highlander says, this is the "happily ever after" part of our lives.

You know what? It really is.