The Oral Report

Standing up in front of the class was never so much fun!

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Location: River City, United States

The rantings and ravings of a mom of three wonderful girls as she finds new love while working like a dog and shaking her fist at the system. You know. Pretty much like everybody else.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Unfortunate Judgement Calls Corrected While You Wait

While reading a news story the other day, it put me in mind how my ex used to take issue with his sister-in-law’s decision to get a tattoo in her forties. Saying that she was having a mid-life crisis and that he didn't think much of a woman that age (and a mother) doing something like that. Of course, he took issue with tattoos on women period, and strongly discouraged any tendencies I might have had in that area (though they were pretty much non-existent). While we don't agree on much lately, we weren't far off on how we both felt about getting tattoos. I'm happy to know that Highlander and I won't be doing the Angelina and Billy Bob matching tattoo thing, either.

Getting tattoos is often (but not always) an “impulse buy” kind of decision, I guess. Many a tale of drunken sailors could attest to that. That may be less true now than it was a decade or more ago. As a great many more "mainstream" people seem to be baring their body parts to be inked, with some forethought on the matter.

However, I have to imagine that there are still a great many morning-after regrets (to go along with more than a few hangovers) for some of these folks. And so, I had to chuckle a little as I read about a carpenter who had been recently laid off (well not about that part) and had the gumption to start his own business.

As a tattoo remover.

That’s right. What you’ve allowed someone to permanently embed (with the use of many, many needles) into your skin, he uses a belt sander to remove.

Uh huh. I said a belt sander.

Ow! Ow! Owwee!!

Personally, I think the art form can be very lovely. I’ve seen some incredible designs. Especially on the toned bodies of the twenty somethings. It’s easy for me to appreciate it.

On someone else.

I would never go as far as mocking someone for making that decision. It's your body. Have at it. Do me a favor though, and please, please, please try to spell them correctly. I mean, if you can't even spell tattoo, maybe you need to work on that first.

Something so permanent could never work for me, though. While I tend to be attached to my fashion accessories (as much as anything else in my world), I don’t think there’s anything I love enough to wear every day for the rest of my life. Again, that’s just me. People do it…happily…every day.

The effects of aging or (unanticipated) scarring are something I can’t not think about either. If I were actually ABLE to come to a decision on what I’d want to have on my body for the rest of my life (and then some), where would I want it? Somewhere unlikely to be a surgical avenue and somewhere unlikely to sag or wrinkle. I’m stumped.

Opus and I have had this discussion before. She thinks it’s a worthwhile gesture to give the gang working at the nursing home something to chuckle about. And while I can’t argue that they certainly deserve something to make their jobs a little more fun, I’d rather it wasn’t a tramp stamp sliding sideways down my ass, thank you very much! I’m happy to let all of you sign up for that duty. They can laugh at me talking to myself or a few other habits I fully intend to have well into my nineties…

A former co-worker divorced her husband over his penchant for tattoos. He’d been sneaking and spending the rent money to get them for years. Finally, when she woke up one morning to the sight of a rather large serpent on the other side of the bed (he’d had his back done and hadn’t wanted to tell her), that was the last straw.

All of that said, if, in a drunken moment of abandon, I actually DID end up with a tattoo, the thought of going to someone with a belt sander to get it removed once I’d sobered up, seems like anything BUT a good idea. Perhaps, more alcohol would be required. I'm thinking ALOT more.

Probably , just me, but it just seems like taking the mid-life crisis thing to a painfully unhealthy level to bypass the normally painful procedure of tattoo removal, by going the carpentry route. With so many other options, I’m thinking an unconventionally placed piercing hole would heal up nicely by just removing the ring. You know…when and if you changed your mind about it. It just seems so much easier all around than a tattoo.

Again, that’s just the practical nature of Supergirlfriend rearing it’s frequently unwelcome head. All part of the package. No extra charge.

I may have to check into getting a belt sander, though. We could always use a little extra money around here. And it seems like the kind of cottage industry that could really take off. Bring cash...and a little Neosporin.

2 Comments:

Blogger MJ Norton said...

I've always been hard-pressed to figure what I would want permanently marked on my body. Most of my disdain for tattoos comes from seeing how so many of them seem to come from hormonal spikes and all but reek of poor judgement. Hangovers and embarassing memories are bad enough without, to wax biblical, having them made flesh.

A friend noted some years ago, as we were heading into a fashion trend towards mainstream social acceptability for tattoos, that there was a lucrative future in tattoo removal.

6/12/2006 8:31 AM  
Blogger tribe member said...

I for one do not find self-mutilation at all attractive. I do however approve of fairly hot chix getting tats in 'special' places, as that gives them incentive to bare those places in my presence to display their skin art. Free live porn is the best kind.

6/16/2006 3:04 AM  

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