The Oral Report

Standing up in front of the class was never so much fun!

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Location: River City, United States

The rantings and ravings of a mom of three wonderful girls as she finds new love while working like a dog and shaking her fist at the system. You know. Pretty much like everybody else.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

College Liberals

I got the following email forward from my conservative co-worker this morning. You remember him. He's the one who believes any old crap that his 'publican friends send him. Truth is optional (and CERTAINLY not required).

So, here's the email forward...

Subject: College Liberals

Sometimes, extreme liberal ideals seem much different when their outcomes directly affect you...
Father-Daughter Talk
A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school.

Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?"

She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties, and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over."

Her wise father asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA."

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, "That's a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I've worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!"

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, "Welcome to the Republican party."

Now give me a minute. I want to say this right, but I'm a liberal, and I've been one since college. So, you know, I may have some limitations.

According to this (I'm hesitant to call it a joke as it seems to be humorless) note, Republicans believe that those in this country who don't have as much as others are lacking because they are shiftless and lazy. That, if they worked for it, they'd have exactly the same things that the powerful and affluent have. Yeah, see I don't believe that. Mostly, because it's stupid.

This completely eliminates the reality of things like inherited wealth and power {See Rockefellers, Kennedys, Hiltons, ad infinitum). It completely disregards the number of people (we'll call them lawyers and politicians) who are morally deficit and don't have a problem screwing people (predominantly the less fortunate schmucks we're talking about here) to get what they want. Maybe the less fortunate can't force themselves to be back-stabbing thieves with no morals, and I don't think it's a better thing to make them.

The note implies that the ONLY way that people have gotten to the "top" has been by good old fashioned hard work, and that's a crock of shit. It also implies that people in tragic circumstances (hurricane Katrina victims, the disabled, those displaced by massive factory lay-offs, people dealing with the impact of a deceased spouse, or a child who has lost both parents for just a very few examples) have somehow brought their lot on themselves because they were out partying all night instead of working harder. That, is an even larger crock of shit.

There simply is no discernible correlation between the daughter "gifting" her friend a percentage of her GPA to make them equal across the board, and the rich paying a higher percentage of taxes to bring the lower and/or middle classes to a point of equality with them. Never gonna happen. Never. Such a proposition is ludicrous.

The trivialization of the very real economic hardship of millions of people being compared to a school GPA is beyond insulting. Yes, liberals advocate more social programs (both government-sponsored and otherwise) to help the less fortunate. And much as we might dream of a more reasonable distribution of wealth, we're liberals, not communists. There is a difference.

Furthermore, the 2.0 GPA is passing, so I suppose what they're saying is that, "She's fine. She's just not 'satisfied' with her lot." That if she chose to, Audrey could do better, but, hey, it's not as though she's FAILING or anything, and, even better, she's clearly enjoying herself, too. She doesn't have it bad at all.


So, if any of you guys have any good liberal email forwards, about conservatives starving puppies or something...but funny, send them my way. There's someone with whom I'd love to share them. In the meantime, I'll be out getting drunk...waiting for my handout.


Blogger AaA said...

All that comes to mind is my four nuns in a volkswagon joke. Unfortunately, it has nothing whatsoever to do with the topic.

I'm also against raising taxes on the wealthy. However, I'm also in favor of making them actually pay the taxes they've already been assessed. The loopholes have to go.

3/12/2007 1:32 PM  

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