Lost in Translation

There are some words that, while they are included somewhere in the English language, are outlawed in my house. Mostly, this is during the time that has come to be known as "when the girls are here." This works better for me, as limiting Highlander's vocabulary otherwise has proven completely fruitless. Aside from the obvious choices of profanity, I'm also adverse to clear signs of disrespect. And so words like, "stupid", "shut up" and "duh", are left on the doorstep. And I'm okay with that. I've explained to my kids, from early on, that there are other ways to express those sentiments in a slightly less offensive manner. And that they should seek to find them. Linguistics is an art form, after all. And Mom don't take no crap from contractors, certainly not gonna tolerate it at home.

I'm often amazed and amused when new terms come into play. Of course, sometimes they become dated rather quickly. Going Postal doesn't hold the same zing for the younger crowd as it does for those of us who remember when postal workers used to actually shoot up the place. But, as new terms are added, I find I'm doing an indequate job keeping up. And I need to be able to communicate. So, I've been spending a little time edumacating myself.


I ran across a funny new slang term at Wikipedia today. Jumping the Couch. Basically, a reference to Tom Cruise and his now infamous tv appearance. The term's become synonomous with someone losing their damned mind. Way to contribute to society, Tom. Way to make a legacy for your kids.

But it prompted me to see what other little gems were out there. I'm old, you see, and I must strive to stay current. It's the No Old Bag Left Behind program. And, no, it's not federally funded. It's simply a personal mission. And, so, I slipped on my deerstalker hat, grabbed me a magnifying glass and my cane, and went in search of clues to help me speak the English Language...

Of course, I credit Nate with one that makes me grin every time. Deep smit. It's one I've been using for these past 6-8 months now. And it comes in handy with my sweetie on a regular basis.

Upon deeper research, I discovered that I was a fansplant. Me. Imagine. Didn't plan to go that route. Just sort of happened, I guess. My dad would be so proud. Of course, he'd be prouder if I were a Packer's fan. Or worse, a University of Kentucky Wildcats fan...::shudder:: But that ain't EVER gonna happen. I suppose the fact that I'm watching sports at all should be considered a milestone.

And while over at The Odious Woman's blog (back on January 9th), I was introduced to another new term. Automagically. I've been digging on it in a big way. Apparently, it's big in the geek circles. I just don't get out much. Sad. I'm not even hanging with the geeks. Well, except Highlander. And he never says automagically. Brooke claims it means something akin to "automatically, but we have no idea how". And, as someone who is constantly technologically befuddled, automagically covers...well...just about everything.

Did everyone but me already know that coitus interruptus had become a "Bon Jovi". This from the song, "Livin' on a Prayer", specifically from the line whoa oh, we're half way there. Though, maybe that's just because I'm lucky in that regard.

My kids wander around pwning everything and everyone. Obviously, feeling quite confident in their self-professed superiority.

Only slightly disheartened, I learned that I'd just missed out on a class that could have helped me. The Cambridge Center for Adult Education has been offering courses in American Slang. I suppose the commute would have been a little much, though. Nice to know some of us old bags may have been helped.

And then it occurred to me, the internet would be my salvation. Surely, all the kewl, hip terminology would be available at my fingertips. And I hit the motherload. I was overwhelmed by all the slang lists I found. There's bar slang, office slang, trucker slang, vaudeville slang, prison slang, hobo slang, aviator slang, diner slang, and OMG, there's even Star Wars slang (just for Tony Collett, no doubt).

Now, if you run across something you just can't find anywhere else, Slang City provides you with someone to help you translate. You need simply email your questionable slang term and they'll help you determine if you've been dissed.

There may be hope for me yet. Now, if anyone else out there has any new slang terms to share, please do. Consider it a civic duty or something. Your President would want you to do your part to help the older set. It's what you can do in the No Old Bag Left Behind Program. Don't send in donations. Instead, adopt a feeb. Or mentor a spaz. And do it soon, I need all the help I can get!