The Oral Report

Standing up in front of the class was never so much fun!

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Location: River City, United States

The rantings and ravings of a mom of three wonderful girls as she finds new love while working like a dog and shaking her fist at the system. You know. Pretty much like everybody else.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Tell the bellhop I've got a few more bags...

That's right , folks! Here at the Hotel Supergirlfriend, the already advertised baggage isn't ALL you get. Oh sure, the smart, funny, sweet and adorable kids hardly seem like baggage at all when compared to our low, low rates and all of the extra amenities we offer here.

Just check the lobby, though, bags everywhere (including under our hostess' eyes). Oh you've seen the ample divorce collection...even the vastness that Samsonite has to offer is nothing compared to the volume here. Lately, though, not to be outdone, a couple of fellows with whom I'd previously had a minor involvement during the brief period between my ex-husband and my current significant other, have decided that gone should DEFINITELY not be confused with forgotten.

Last Friday, I was checking my email and found an address I hadn't seen in over a year now. Curious, I opened it and the note read,

Hoping you are well. I was missing you and thought you should know how much. I really think we should be getting together. I think you'll see why.

The note was followed by a photo montage that was so far beyond suggestive that even graphic might not be strong enough. And that includes the 'grand finale' shot. Forgive the bad pun, but it was what it was.

After I deleted the email, I fired back a short note reminding this particular fellow that while I considered him a friend, I was in a committed monogamous relationship and really wasn't interested in rekindling anything with him. Only I was sweet and demure and tried to take his feelings into account. Don't scoff. When I work at it, I can do that sensitive girlie stuff. And I do work at it, because it bothers me to hurt someone's feelings when they are someone for whom I've cared.

I mentioned the note to Highlander. Mostly, this was because I don't keep secrets from him, and I don't want to start, but also because he and I have had a couple minor trust issues that we've worked through and I don't want to complicate things in our relationship further, by having him find out some other way. There is no way I am looking for anyone else, and I know that Highlander isn't either.

Which brings up another point. Why is it that when you are in a relationship, all of a sudden you become more attractive to everyone else? I had an old friend that used to say he couldn't get a woman in a $10 whore house if he had a twenty in each hand. But as soon as he hooked up, all of a sudden women he'd known for years found him more attractive. Mostly, I just sat back and watched how he handled it. And I found it somewhat amusing.

Karma is a nasty beast sometimes, you know.

Anyway, that note was on Friday. On Saturday, I got a note from another guy from that same brief period in my life. (Was there some kind of cataclysmic spatial event or something?) That sweet-talking note looked a great deal like this...

Damn, I miss you [explicit sex act deleted]! Any chance? How about at my office?

And so, on Sunday, I was put in the position of writing ANOTHER 'thanks, but no thanks' note. Not to mention, dealing with Highlander's feelings as more and more bags get shoved through the lobby door. Highlander says he was fine with it. I suspect part of him is glad that other men find me attractive (even if they wish he would just move back to Florida...and quickly). And, as I said, I know he trusts me. But, still, I know I wouldn't much like it if our roles were reversed here.

My reply on Sunday wasn't met with anything close to rational acceptance, and so I got another note which was an attempt to make me feel guilty for ending things in the first place.


Does Angelina Jolie have to deal with this shit? Maybe. Looking like she does, at least it's justified. And, what I'm saying (badly) here, is that I AIN'T no Angelina Jolie. Not even close. Okay, I'm probably smarter than Angelina Jolie, but she's about a million times hotter and has a gazillion times more money.

And yet...

These guys aren't bad looking guys. They have good jobs and certainly have plenty to offer a woman. They know I'm not interested. Why do they force me into a position of hurting them. I sooooo hate that. Worse. While I'm tap-dancing around their feelings, the man I love is forced to navigate his way around even more baggage in this relationship.


There is not a part of me that doesn't truly and deeply believe with every aspect of my being that our pasts make us who we are now. Good or bad, events and people who came before have shaped us. And I adore Highlander for who he has become on the way to being mine. As this is a wisdom I know we both share, I realize he feels similarly. It just seems to me that his past seems so much more sedate, while mine keeps crowding our quarters with more and newer bags and spontaneously popping up like some ill-timed, bad-natured jack-in-the-box that is just never welcomed.

So, I guess I need to tell the bellhop I've got a few more bags to bring in. And, Highlander, I'm glad you're up for the work-out as you continue to climb over and around them on a daily basis. A lesser man wouldn't have bothered. Of course, my love, you are no lesser man. Here's hoping we can reduce the number soon.

Perhaps a bonfire.

I'll bring the marshmallows.


Blogger MJ Norton said...

See, now Tony, Mark, Nate, Scott, etc. and I will now have to send you notes with provocative headers and attached images with innocuous contents but porn spam labeling. (e.g. "mightyshaft.jpg" as a title for a pic of a Scotsman hurling a caber.)

One of the Franciscan brothers at the high school I attended pointed to his collar, similar to a priest's, and said that there are many women for whom it's an aphrodesiac. Much like MC Hammer telling the world they can't touch this, it plants an idea. I don't know if this is anything like the same, or if it's just pure competitive impulses -- and that anything someone else has or wants seeming more valuable because, well, someone else has or wants it.

Aside from that, "[explicit sex act deleted]" tends to live on in the memory of men, and tug at them with the possibilities. If some guys even have a vague recollection that they got free beer from a particular bar it can take the bar burning down or turning into a library to stop them from coming back around.

I can make light of this because I'm on the outside of it all, and because I have to make light of it or else I'm going to start imaging the photo montage you mentioned.

It'll have to be a matter of your judgement as to what will most effectively stop these guys from sniffing around. Some will stop if one just says that she's going to be copying all notes in both directions to her current beau, which others will only become more active.

I'm a posessive sort, so this sort of thing would be highly irritating to me.

Good luck to you both!

5/30/2006 12:57 PM  
Blogger SuperFiancee said...

This isn't the first time I've had this sort of difficulty from these two. I thought (since it had been over a year), that the last time I ran them off, I'd done an adequate job. That's what I get for "giving out free beer" - LOL!

Oh, and please don't get any of these guys involved in your nefarious schemes. I hadn't pegged you for a trouble-maker...but I've been wrong about that before...;)

5/30/2006 9:00 PM  

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