Worse Things...
My ex's family had their "summer picnic" weekend before last. It's an annual event and it happened to coincide with when he had the younger two for a weekend visit this year. That's the younger two of our THREE children. We still have the older one, is the point I'm trying to make.
See, [Kid 3], now that she's 18, has slipped completely off her father's radar. He doesn't contribute towards her life insurance, her dental insurance, any of her school expenses, or anything else for that matter. All of which I find pretty sad, but worse, I asked her the other day if he ever calls to ask how she's doing with school or what's going on with her life and she looked at me as if I were speaking Chinese. "Um, no, Mom. He doesn't call and talk to me about anything."
Our resources are pretty limited, and I'm fighting a losing battle to try to get money I've been owed for over a year, but there is no way I can just abandon my child that way. I can't do as much as I'd like for her. But I split the cost of her first semester books with her, and I've bought every pencil and piece of paper she's used in college. I gave her $6 for a ticket to a play she needs to attend (an assignment for her Theatre Arts class) because (due to her terrible class schedule this semester) she's only able to get 6-10 hrs. of work. At $6.25/hr. (btw, that's including a $0.25/hr. raise she got a few weeks back), it doesn't amount to much. Especially since she needs to save enough to pay for her second semester books by January. I've helped out with snacks to carry to school, so she can keep some of her hard earned money out of the vending machines. And I continue to pay her life insurance and dental insurance because I think that's little enough cost to provide a safety net that could cost her far more not to have it.
I'm pretty sure, though, that even if I couldn't contribute at all financially, I'd be doing something...ANYthing...to try to encourage and support my child emotionally. Especially in an endeavor in which I am proud of her. Or even, you know, to acknowledge that I still claim her.
Now that tangent aside, let me note that, with regard to the "summer picnic", my ex did not even invite his eldest daughter. She found out about it, at all, when her two sisters returned from the event. Chatting about visiting with their cousins and seeing various family members, the look on her face was painful for me to watch.
She was so clearly disappointed that her father excluded her from their plans...that she wasn't given the opportunity to participate in a family event. I keep forgetting the depths of his insensitivity sometimes. Especially since I'm no longer with him.
But I hate to see it being worn on the faces of my children. I just don't understand how you can "forget" that you have three children. And I DEFINITELY don't understand how you can completely mark them off the list when they turn 18.
I will say this, though, my older girls TOTALLY see him for the man he is...and without any help from me. I just wish it were a prettier picture.
See, [Kid 3], now that she's 18, has slipped completely off her father's radar. He doesn't contribute towards her life insurance, her dental insurance, any of her school expenses, or anything else for that matter. All of which I find pretty sad, but worse, I asked her the other day if he ever calls to ask how she's doing with school or what's going on with her life and she looked at me as if I were speaking Chinese. "Um, no, Mom. He doesn't call and talk to me about anything."
Our resources are pretty limited, and I'm fighting a losing battle to try to get money I've been owed for over a year, but there is no way I can just abandon my child that way. I can't do as much as I'd like for her. But I split the cost of her first semester books with her, and I've bought every pencil and piece of paper she's used in college. I gave her $6 for a ticket to a play she needs to attend (an assignment for her Theatre Arts class) because (due to her terrible class schedule this semester) she's only able to get 6-10 hrs. of work. At $6.25/hr. (btw, that's including a $0.25/hr. raise she got a few weeks back), it doesn't amount to much. Especially since she needs to save enough to pay for her second semester books by January. I've helped out with snacks to carry to school, so she can keep some of her hard earned money out of the vending machines. And I continue to pay her life insurance and dental insurance because I think that's little enough cost to provide a safety net that could cost her far more not to have it.
I'm pretty sure, though, that even if I couldn't contribute at all financially, I'd be doing something...ANYthing...to try to encourage and support my child emotionally. Especially in an endeavor in which I am proud of her. Or even, you know, to acknowledge that I still claim her.
Now that tangent aside, let me note that, with regard to the "summer picnic", my ex did not even invite his eldest daughter. She found out about it, at all, when her two sisters returned from the event. Chatting about visiting with their cousins and seeing various family members, the look on her face was painful for me to watch.
She was so clearly disappointed that her father excluded her from their plans...that she wasn't given the opportunity to participate in a family event. I keep forgetting the depths of his insensitivity sometimes. Especially since I'm no longer with him.
But I hate to see it being worn on the faces of my children. I just don't understand how you can "forget" that you have three children. And I DEFINITELY don't understand how you can completely mark them off the list when they turn 18.
I will say this, though, my older girls TOTALLY see him for the man he is...and without any help from me. I just wish it were a prettier picture.
posted by SuperWife | 3:53 PM
2 Comments:
That's just sad.
Maybe next time you see the parental unit, you can just bring it to his attention. You know, "not nag".
I didn't have it that bad, but I had a variation of it: the going somewhere where I asked about going and was told the vehicle was full, but I could take mine. That was back in college when I barely had enough money to cover gas to go there, and they didn't understand the concept of "at least an hour study for an hour in class". And then there's the one where they assume I couldn't go on trips with them, but could do all the s#!+ jobs nobody else wanted to do.
So I hear ya.
Tony C.
http://mahtwocents.blogharbor.com
He saw her, briefly, last night and made a point of inviting her along on a camping trip in a couple weeks. He even offered to reimburse her the funds she'd miss by not working. (Though, my first thought was, "if you have $50-$60 laying around that you can contribute to your child, why aren't you?".) I don't think she can reasonably ask for any more time off right now (as she took over a week off in July), without risking losing her job. Plus, also, she's still pretty upset with him.
As for talking with him about any of this...well...I'm still working on trying to hold my temper, so it's likely a conversation that needs to wait.
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