Kryptonite

Do you have irrational fears? 'Cause I have irrational fears. I'm not alone here, am I? I mean other people freak out when a can of biscuits rips open like a cannon retort. Or squirrels are just kinda sitting there...giving you that look that says, "I'll tear your throat out the first chance I get". Or you can't stand to watch someone quickly lick an envelope from side to side because you are certain...CERTAIN...that they are going to get a hideous, disfiguring paper cut on their tongue due to their total carelessness. Right? Okay. Just wanted to make sure it wasn't only me.

Now, irrational fears aside, everyone has their own "kryptonite". That thing that will expose their weaknesses and reveal them to all the world for who they truly are. And while the things I've listed above will probably get me some sideways glances and more than a few snickers...and have, actually...they aren't my kryptonite.

I'd imagine for some, it could be their blog. The revelation of deep, dark personal secrets. Revealing business secrets in a public forum. The world linking you to your blog and it coming back to wreak havoc in your life. Stuff like that. Not so much, me. At least, not yet.

For some, I'd imagine it's life's illicit temptations, be they drugs or sex (or some other flavor entirely). Your real life finding out about your fantasy life and bingo, bango, bongo...you're trashed. But, again, I'm less about the drama. Well, at least as much as a crazy woman, managing Hell, with two teenagers, a kindergartner, and a troublesome ex, can be less about the drama, that is. So, those wouldn't really apply to me either.

Liars. People who justify their own reprehensible behavior by convincing themselves (and anyone else gullible enough to listen) into believing that they don't have a problem. And then watching as the truth comes for them at break-neck speed...shattering the little cone of silence they've constructed around themselves and their followers. This is not me either, though. The honesty is just much easier. And the game-playing has never been me. Never will be.

Now, at work, I'm the tough construction chick. I don't take any crap. Ripping their asses off and handing them back is the modus operandi. I hold my own with laborers and foremen and owners, alike. And all that kinda stuff has earned me a pretty tough reputation. Oh I still get flirted with once in a while, but mostly, I'm one of the guys. So, if they knew they could make me cry, like a little girl, it would be devastating to my ability to do my job. OMG, I'd never hear the end of it. Never. That said, I take great pains to keep from anyone ever seeing me do it.

My desk is at the far end of a large architectural studio. It affords me cloaking ability when I need it. Ducking my head behind my monitor makes me virtually invisible while I'm at my desk. If any of the guys I regularly have to tromp found out I would cry, let alone could cry, I'd be ruined. So, on the rare occasions that I find myself doing it at work I take great pains to conceal it.

I might still get the "pity" vote. At least from a few of them. The respect, though, earned from years of being tough enough to do what needs to be done without fear...without backing down...that'd be gone. Forever. All the hard work of getting guys in this industry to treat me as if I know what I'm talking about and not as if I'm some uppity FEMALE trying to break ranks, would be for naught. And it's taken me years to get where I am. It's not something I want to hand back quite so easily.

I mean, hey, just because I'm having a bad day doesn't mean I can't still take care of business. But being sensitive around here is definitely a drawback. A flaw. A handicap. And no slack will be cut. Trust me on this.

That's the round about way of saying I'm a little weepy today...and I'm hiding out. Stuff going on in my personal life and I can't elaborate about it yet. But, lucky for me, I have Highlander and my wonderful girls (and all of you, dear readers) to get me through.