The Oral Report

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Location: River City, United States

The rantings and ravings of a mom of three wonderful girls as she finds new love while working like a dog and shaking her fist at the system. You know. Pretty much like everybody else.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Giving it Up for the Gays

I've recently been thinking about gay marriage again. Hard not to with [Kid 1] being such a vocal proponent. (She gets that from her dear ol' mom, btw.) She pointed me to a little list that I'd like to share with you guys. The tongue-in-cheek is a given, but the points, I think, are pretty well made. Gotta give the younger crowd some props (and extra smart-ass points) for this one.

Top 10 Reasons Gay Marriage Should Be Illegal

01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all like many of the principles on which this great country was founded; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of marriages like Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.

07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

08 ) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

2 Comments:

Blogger AaA said...

Hey, you know where I stand on this one. The gubbamint can do whatever the citizen will vote for.

3/27/2007 8:00 PM  
Blogger Opus P. Penguin said...

This is awesome. I'm passing it along...

3/29/2007 11:23 AM  

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